Wonderings.

Music of the hour : Josh Wilson, Mumford and Sons, Damien Rice, Between the trees, and a few others close to the same genre. 


I can't sleep. I hate it when I get a thought stuck in my head and it just keeps going and I can never get it out or I can't make myself not think about it and go to sleep. But what better way to let it go than to write it all out?
 I'm pretty sure we've all had people in our life that have come and gone.  I know it's a part of life, to have people come and go. Meeting new people, letting go of others. But for some reason I always think about a few certain people that have played a huge role in my life, who've helped shaped me into who I am, who seemed to have been there in some of the most critical points in my life, who I don't know how/who I would be if it wasn't for them. And yet, now, they're gone. Not dead, but no longer in these chapters of my life. I sometimes wonder if I played as big of a role in their life, or was I just a small portion that's now looked over and not really remembered. Do they ever think about me, or all the times we had together, the times of learning, and growing, and of love? Or am I just a faint memory that fades into all the other chapters of their life? It hurts sometimes to think about how they are gone now. The people that you always want in your life, that have meant the most to you, just walk away. And the feeling of helplessness, of not being able to do anything about it bothers me. 
I want to be able to fix everything, and make it all right, and change people. Maybe that's selfish. I don't know. Or maybe they were there for that period of life because you really needed them then. And now, since they are gone, you can be that person that they were, in someone else's life. Or maybe they were there for a season to teach you, and you've gained what you can from it. Nevertheless... it's still there in the back of my mind, "Do they ever wonder how I am, what i'm doing with my life?" or "Did I mean the same that they meant to me?". Maybe i'll never know, or possibly i'll come to some revelation in the future and understand it all. If I do, I'll be sure to share it. For now I guess I just have to be content with not knowing and being thankful for the moments that they were in my life. 


hearts- Gabrielle