Monday, September 24, 2012

Transformations By Renewing.

You know how sometimes you feel like you go through dry spells with God? I feel like that has been happening for a while now. No change, nothing happening, just me being selfish and ugly and not growing where I really need to be. But, I think I'm coming out of that, thankfully. I heard a quote once, something along the lines of, if you feel that you and God are further apart, guess who moved?. Boom. Me. God doesn't move away from us. We move away from Him. Because of one reason, He wants us to change something and we don't. So, we shy away and get further and further apart. The two things I'm seeing right now that I am having to work on, (yay!) is.... 

One, the fear of rejection. I have this in me SO bad. It causes me to not be honest with people, it causes me to compromise my standards, it causes me to draw away from God. Because deep down, I'm thinking about myself, and how I feel, and that I want people to like me and not reject me. But, God says many many times, that we WILL be rejected by TONS of people because HIS way of life is not the popular one. Talk about counting the cost. I have to choose between my selfish desires of wanting to be accepted and God and what His will for me is and what HE wants me to do. As of right now, I think that will be the most difficult thing to do. But, I think I might know the key to getting through it. Loving others. If I love the people around me, I will be honest, because I care about their soul. If I love people around me, I wont compromise, because I love them and me compromising doesn't help them. I want people to be honest with me, because I know that if they are, they love me more than they want my acceptance and more than the fear of upsetting me. It's not right if I want one thing out of friends and family but I'm not that in return. 
Number two, insecurities about myself. Which, I guess comes down to being all about myself again. The only reason why I would be insecure is if I am focusing on myself. They way I look, or the way I act, or my way of life compared to others. Me, Me, Me, Me. When I STOP focusing on myself I'm not insecure! Wow Gabrielle, what a concept! And another thing that goes along with that, (I know it sound cliche), is God made me the way I am, (physically speaking). Why should I question, or have problems with that? Who am I to say He did something wrong? It's like a doll telling the maker that it was made wrong, but it isn't. It was made EXACTLY how the maker wanted it to be made, and made that way for a purpose.  I think this is something most people go through to an extent, definitely some more than others. 
So, to sum it all up. I'm selfish and I think about myself all the time. It pulls me away from God and who He wants me to be and how He wants me to live. They only way to get closer to Him is by focusing on Him and loving other people. For real. Love is the key to everything. And not the mushy love feeling, but love as in hard love. Love that will get in your face and correct you when you need it and the love that will encourage you when you need it and the love that thinks about others before yourself. I get the "Love covers a multitude of sins" scripture now. It does, if you love, you wont sin. Because loving others and God is the exact opposite of sin. 

Don Miller says it best when he says, "The problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest." Truth. 

In love
Gabrielle

  

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